Friday, June 30, 2006

Observations from Germany-Argentina

1. Fun Fact: Manu Ginobili of the Spurs was kicked off the Argentina National Soccer (Futbol) team for "showing insufficient flopping ability."
2. It's hard to win a game when you spend most of it writhing in pain after no contact whatsoever.
3. In single-elimination tournaments it's not the best idea to leave your most talented player on the bench.
4. It's hard to win a game while playing with both hands wrapped around your own neck.
5. If I ever hear a German bitching about refereeing, Wayne Brady may have to choke a bitch. This is 2 consecutive World Cups that they've won games on bad no-calls in the penalty box.
6. Goose-stepping is not appropriate celebration behavior.
7. From FREETRANSLATION.COM: "argentinian" can mean either "punk-ass bitch" or "bitchy-ass punk".
8. From FREETRANSLATION.COM: "io sono italiano" means "Would you like the money in cash or wired to your account, Signor Referee?".

Thursday, June 29, 2006

How to Tell If You Work in a Soccer-Mad Country

Germany's game on Friday starts at 5pm. My coworkers want to watch it at the Dorf's stadium, but they don't think they can get away with leaving "early" enough to get seats -- 1:30. So, they'll instead have to stay "all day" until 3:30 and find somewhere else to watch the game.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Paris is for Pondering

Nothing like a moment of quiet repose while waiting for the next bottle of wine to be opened!

Only in France

Must museums tell parents that their kids aren't allowed to have sex with escalator rails.

Monday, June 05, 2006

God Bless Holidays

As I sat at home today enjoying Pfingston (Whitsun for you Brits, the day when the Holy Spirit came to the Apostles), I rethought about my firm pro- stance on the separation of church and state. While I still believe the govt shouldn't force anyone to worship or not worship, religious holidays are a good thing. I know that my opinion of Catholicism is much higher today than it was on Friday. The US's only religious holiday (now Consumerian, not Christian) is Christmas. Couldn't we share tolerance by adding the Jewish High Holy Days and the start of Ramadan to the mix? World peace through vacation -- you heard it here first.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Lost in Abbreviation

I'm thinking that the person who made these menus (you may need to click on them to enlarge) wasn't much of an English speaker. Or was creating the menu under the influence of Duvel ("Strong Enough to Make Belgians Hot"). Or Belgians tend to be Assmen, you make the call.
Eff You, FIFA

On behalf of all Americans in Europe, I want to give a big, proud, middle finger to FIFA's world rankings. While the USA is currently tied for 5th, we weren't given a #1 seed in the upcoming World Cup, unlike Mexico (team motto: "We'll kick your ass, as long as it's in Mexico City or our players are allowed to dope") and Germany (team motto "Go to hell, Coach Klinsmann, unless we win."). This means I have to a) defend our ranking (we should be in the 8-12 range, in my opinion) and b) explain why we can get out of our group yet we lost to Germany 4-1 (summary: our B team was down 1-0 with 20 min left against the German A team that had to win to save the coach's job). So, FIFA, either fix the rankings or the seedings, or bite me. Your choice, Jackasses.
Asian Pride: P0rn

A(n) hilarious spoof of infomercials that is surprisingly video-work safe (but contains audio that probably isn't work safe, unless you work in the p0rn industry). Funny stuff. Especially the "hot" scene with the mustard...

Saturday, June 03, 2006

William Shatner: Rocketman may be one of the funniest videos I've seen. Just the initial image of Shatner smoking a huge joint on TV is comedy gold. Watch and enjoy.