Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Just Another Day in Deutschland

Soccer players are a dime a dozen here. Like this guy, Kasey Keller -- best keeper in American history (don't give me that Friedel crap). And pretty friendly for a guy stopped walking to practice on a Saturday morning. In case you're wondering, he warms up separately from the field players and drinks ice-cold vodka instead of Gatorade (ok, i made that up). Best part of the photo? how we all look vaguely out of it.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Nothing Says Company Outing Like Samba

A few photos from the wild world of sports! 48 teams, more than 500 players, free beer, brats and pretzels all day long -- a recipe for a winner of a company outing!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


Hey, don't be offended -- the President said it. SO what, exactly, is the big deal? South Park had an episode where they said it 162 times -- about 8 per second (thank you, wikipedia). Let's be honest, we've all said it. I GUARANTEE every previous president said it (or the equivalent) at least once in his administration. You know FDR said it when he found out the bedrooms were on the second floor. Nixon swore like a drunken sailor on the tapes, and I'm betting JFK let slip more than a few F bombs while nailing Marilyn. Let's put this in perspective here. It's not like he misled the country into supporting an invasion of a sovreign nation, snorted coke, supported the use of torture and denial of human rights to prisoners of war, or exploited the deaths of thousands of americans to expand executive power to limits not seen since Andrew Jackson or ... wait, he did do all of those. And those were roundly supported by "moral" americans. I believe the term I need to describe people who are offended by 4 letters and not his actions: stupid mother f***ers.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Italy or Portugal -- You Decide!

Secret training video! Hilarious stuff. Feel free to punch the nearest portuguese or italian player you see in the back of the head. or just head butt the jackass.

Friday, July 07, 2006


'"When history looks back, I'd rather be judged as solving problems and being correct, rather than being popular," Bush said.
"The president that chases the opinion poll is the president that will have failed policy," Bush said in an exclusive joint interview along with his wife, Laura, at the White House.
Some members of Congress are nervous about the effect Bush's political problems might have on their own fortunes in this fall's midterm elections.
But Bush predicted that Republicans would keep their majorities in the House and Senate, "Because we're right on winning this war on terror, and we've got a good economic record," he said. "People are working under the leadership of the Bush administration and the Congress."
When it comes to the most controversial single decision of his presidency -- invading Iraq -- the president told King he would make the same choice again, even knowing that Saddam Hussein's regime did not have weapons of mass destruction.'

He's right about the economy -- rich people haven't been this prosperous, ever!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

And People Call Me a Nerd! -- two guys using their laptops to have a lightsaber fight. Just hilarious.

What is Manly?

SO, you have millions of visitors coming for the World Cup, how do you sell your paper? With billboards on every train platform featuring a naked (FULL frontal nudity is ok, apparently) man with a circa-1986 David Hasslehoff haircut. Good times.

And, yes, there is a pattern emerging here -- I'll be posting plenty more risqué ads over the next few weeks.

To Advertise, Sometimes All You Need is a Nipple

The only things you need to know to guess the location of this poster are: a) the proliferation of vowels and b) the complete indifference the woman displays to the exposure of her breast. Only in Amsterdam! The best part of the ad is definitely the smirk on the guy's face, though.
I'm Not Saying Germans are Obsessive, But...

One of my friends is going on vacation next week, and she's hoping to get her GOLF license. She's taking a course, at the end of which she has a test and then she's allowed to play golf. When I asked, 'how long is the course?' I assumed I misunderstood when she said "10 days". I didn't. Does it really take that long to learn how to swing a club?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Floppers in Final

The one thing that disappointed me about Germany's solid performance last night was that no one sucker-punched Totti after the Italians scored. He'd spent most of the match feigning injury with his face in his hands after German defenders came inside his 3-foot wide Circle of Dive-itude. At one point he even jumped onto the back of Germany's captain, then after falling down rolled in "pain" until he magically recovered in time to whine about being called for the obvious foul.

This is an advantage of hockey, football, basketball -- a guy flops enough, you send in one of the bruisers to clean his clock, and problem solved. BUT in soccer, you have to play the whole game down a man.

Being an outside-the-beer-bottle thinker, I have the perfect solution: after a flop, the person caught doesn't receive a card, they receive a neon orange jersey. For 5 minutes (they must stay on the field the whole time), anything is legal on them, as long as there's no blood/permanent injury. A second flop gives you 10 minutes "In the Jersey". Obvious flops caught on camera after the game receive their penalty upon their next appearance.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Christian Laettner Red-Carded for England; Prince Charles too Drunk to Comment

Having Wayne Rooney, the England's only legitimate striker be the enforcer for the British team is like having Peyton Manning be the hard man for the Colts -- it's not very effective, and they're not going to score once he (inevitably) gets tossed. And "enforcer" is a bit generous -- Rooney's MO isn't to seek revenge for previous hits, but instead to randomly go after whomever has driven his troglodytic "brain" to fury, regardless of justification. So, once again, "Mickey" Rooney shows that while he may have a nose for goal, he has a brain for shite. The World Cup has already had a record number of red cards (ejections), so do you:

a) Play it clean and wait for a chance (hah!)
b) Flop like there's no tomorrow
c) Stomp some groins!

a) is a fairy tale, and b) is played out (Italia! Brasil! Argentina!) and c) is ...

You f*&^ing dolt. On the bright side, in 4 years, he'll still be a moron.

Photo Courtesy of ESPN!

That's... Not... Waldo...

No, really, that's a 'Where's Waldo' book. I swear, baby.

Guess Which Couple is Married?

The one touching or the one trying desperately to comply with the middle school "record in between" rule?

5Euro Doesn't Buy Spell Check

The best part is that the candles on the opposite side of Notre Dame (where this was taken) were only 2Euro. Apparently after walking around the cathedral you're either so awe-inspired or beaten down that a 250% price increase doesn't faze you.

Break in Bike Theft Case

The thieves' lair was raided yesterday, yielding only a hoard of Tenacious D CDs, Denis Leary DVDs and enough Simpsons references to choke a dead Comic Book Guy. Authorities are pursuing them, but are worried that they may have separated to wreak havoc on separate continents.

Master Criminals Behind Amsterdam Bike Thefts

Dr. No, Goldfinger, Le Jackasses? This blurry photo and semi-coherent descriptions of a string of cock blocks across Europe are the only evidence INTERPOL have in the case. They are said to be seeking "2 men (term used loosely), aged 12-40, slow-footed, quick-witted, presumed crunk and obnoxious. They are hatless, repeat, HATLESS! Except for the one on the right -- he might have a hat. Subjects are presumed drunk and exhibit Lemur tendencies. They have been seen in the company of the self-proclaimed 'G Money'