Sunday, August 31, 2008

Damn Straight

Finally, the coddling can stop! Johnson & Johnson introduced their "nothing but tears" brand shampoo, and I, for one, say it's about damn time. Click on the link for details, but I think we can all see from the ad above that this is a step in the right direction.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

It's Better Than a Sixth-Round Draft Choice...

In "Stolen Season", David Lamb mentions that minor leaguers have been traded for sacks of balls, but in Romania a player was traded for 33 lbs of meat (the type of meat wasn't specified). The kicker?

"We are upset because we lost twice -- firstly because we lost a good player and secondly because we lost our team's food for a whole week," a Regal Horia official was quoted as saying by the daily in its electronic edition -- the guy retired "to find a job in agriculture or construction". Ouch.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Does It Double As Cologne?

Time had an article last week on a German man frustrated with the fit of his condom (he probably shouldn't have gone for the "boot cut"). His solution? Surprisingly, it wasn't to require rules for all German men to be registered by penis size, but it was to create a spray-on condom from liquid latex and common hardware. How did it feel? "I felt a little like MacGyver" (hopefully that wasn't from using duct tape at some point).

The catch? It takes two to three minutes to dry, which for many men is enough time for them to leave & start trying to have sex with someone else. He wants to get this down to a few seconds, since he believes that condom application should take less time than the actual act.

In the meantime, he's marketing an online set of variable size condoms. Online because men apparently aren't keen on saying "I'd like a pack of your smallest condom, please" to a convenience store clerk. Though his claim that "Men on the Web, they are very honest" doesn't match what my friends that have tried online dating have said.

Thanks to Nicole for the heads-up on the article!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Forget NASA, We Need to Research This

It's great that we can test what kind of screws work better in zero-g, but what our science budget needs to go to is figuring out the exact rankings of predators in the wild. The idea all came from a Reuters article on a polar bear jaw found in the stomach of an arctic-lurking shark. The general belief is that it was either scavenged or weakened. This kind of uncertainty is not acceptable. If we can put a man on the moon, we need video of a wild shark-polar bear brawl. After this we can move onto others, such as mountain lion vs. bear, bear vs. wolves, and coyote vs (unarmed) rush limbaugh (clearly a big meat eater)...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Le Jacques Namath

Le quote: “The Americans? We’re going to smash them. That’s what we came here for,” Bernard said. “I’ll start my Games in the 4x100 meters freestyle relay final, confident that my pals will have qualified easily. If the relay goes according to plans, than we’ll be on a roll.”

Le douchebag:

Le Outcome:

Le Response:
Ok, It's not Alain's fault he's French, but if you go out & say you're going to "smash" another team, you should probably give 100% on the final touch. At least he carried on the tradition set by earlier luminaries:
"I'll be brunching in Waterloo tomorrow on English muffins" -- Napoleon
"They'll be choking on their kraut in days" General Joseph Joffre (architect of the French plans for WWI)
"The series of defense emplacements will be unbreachable" André Maginot
"We shall never surrender to Germany" General Maurice Gamelin
"Algeria will always be French" General Charles DeGaulle

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Beware of Antimatter Families

Apparently Barcelona's cathedral gets visitors from the antimatter universe, too. Please be careful of these visitors, as contacting them will annhilate you both. As all Star Trek viewers know, morality is reversed in that universe and the evil doppelgängers can be identified by their goatees.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

All Hail Shemp!

When you think of the Stooges, everyone knows Moe, Larry and Curly. And guys HATE Joe (rather justifiably, I gotta say). But everyone forgets Shemp. He gets the job done, he brings the funny, he has that workmanlike style that may not make you remember, but it makes you laugh. Similarly, my bike gets me to work but doesn't get (positive) second glances. Not even from bike thieves -- I've left it unlocked for days downtown with no troubles.

Don't dog Shemp!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008


Do you have a friend that is offering up lame excuses before an upcoming fun event? Is s/he constantly having to "do laundry", "work on taxes", or "just relax at home" -- instead of going out with the guys or taking that cool road trip? Well, your friend is pre-weaseling.

pre-weasel, v the art of offering up lame excuses for missing a fun event -- in advance.

use it in everyday life. You're welcome.