Venus Williams Beats Dinara Safina Cardboard Cutout at Wimbledon

London(JT) In the women's semifinal (played on Court 12 due to insufficient hotness), Venus Williams beat a remarkably lifelike cardboard replica of Dinara Safina, 6-0, 6-1. "I have to give it credit -- though it's only a 2-dimensional piece of cardboard with a photo pasted on it, it did win a game," stated Williams after the match. She continued, "I thought something was odd during the warmups as she is normally far less stationary and tends to breathe, but she wasn't today. It wasn't until her first service game when she was knocked over by a ballboy throwing a ball to her that I realized it was just one of those cutouts you see in stores. It was a really, really lifelike one, though. I might get one for Serena to hang clothes on."

When reached for a comment, Safina merely replied, "I had two reasons for the switch: 1) The standup is always going to stores I wouldn't enter if you paid me (and they do) and 2) I figured it was worth a shot. But I'm still #1, right?" The cutout refused comment.