Olympics 2016: JT's Apartment

I've been hearing a lot about the bids by Rio and Chicago for the 2016 Olympics, and I am here to offer another alternative -- my apartment. Let's look at the competition*:

Lodging:
Chicago - Flophouses left over from Prohibition
Rio - Slums filled with gun-toting kids
JT - Lots of crash space!
Winner: JT

Food:
Chicago - "-style pizza"**
Rio - Endless parades of meat
JT - Wholesome, home-cooked meals
Winner: JT -- Chicage normally wins here, but athletes need veggies

Crime:
Chicago - Eliot Ness was the only man who could stop organized crime in the Windy City, and he's dead.
Rio - Even the monkeys are criminals
JT - Crime free!
Winner: JT - This is turning into a bloodbath.

Facilities:
Chicago - Soldier Field, Wrigley Field, Corporate-Sponsor Arena for the Bulls
Rio - Maracana stadium, beaches
JT - Kitchen table that works well for poker
Winner: Chicago

Other:
Chicago: Great museums, good restaurants
Rio: One word: Thongs
JT: Just me, baby
Winner: Rio

Final Tally: JT 3, Rio & Chicago 1 each. Book now!

* I was, as always, too lazy to research so I'm just basing this on my recollections from movies and TV.
** Inside Chicago, there's no need to call it "Chicago-style"