2010 NCAA Musings, Final Four Live Blogging -- Part 1

0:00 - As great as free live streaming is, it's pretty fing late. Can't we just skip to tipoff?

00:12 - This Live Blogging brought to you by Lone Star -- the only Texas beer available in Germany and Achtermochtie* whiskey

00:14 - Good to know that this year's Final Four has the shortest total commutes for the 4 teams. I'll sleep better knowing that.

00:16 - How cheap were the MSU unis? "State", seriously? I guess there probably aren't more than 50 teams wearing those, in various trim colors.

00:18 - Does the Brain Bracket include an option for earlier games? This has 2 advantages: overseas fans aren't zombies and US fans can finish watching earlier to focus either on booze or making bad decisions.

00:19 - Aaaaaannnnndddd we made it 19 minutes before the UPS asshat (asshair?) appeared.

00:20 - Clark Kellogg is great and all, but I miss Billy Packer. I have all this extra rage with no one to focus it on.

00:23 - This bland start reminds me of my all-time favorite** TV moment, from the celebrations from the 2000 MSU win. Some drunk jackhole runs up to a TV camera in the midst of rioting and screams, "MICHIGAN STATE RULES!!!!!" and I say, I know that guy! It was a groomsman from Aspaas's*** wedding. Nice work, Matt.

00:27 - Wow. That brick just woke up all the deaf listeners.

00:33 - One area where the NCAA's can't compete with the pros is the complete mastery of hurt facial expressions when fouls are called. Tim Duncan should teach a master class on this.

00:34 - What's the adjustment for a shooter when the announcer says, "he can shoot from there!"? I'm thinking your chances of hitting the shot are about 1/10th the normal rate. Nice jinx, Clark.

00:36 - "His focus, his attention to detail, his practice have all become razor sharp in the tournament." So, Clark, you're saying he was mailing in the regular season? Sounds like he's NBA-ready!

00:37 - #50 for MSU is auditioning for the Oliver Miller-Robert Tractor Traylor Memorial All-Stars! Cue my repertoire of Bill Parcells back-fat jokes!

00:38 - It's cool of Butler to allow a middle-schooler to coach their Final Four game.

00:39 - Not to be racist, but the white guy-to-white guy lob NEVER works. At least, not since 1966.

00:41 - Tater Taunt is making me think that I might prefer cleaning my apartment to watching hoops, after all.

00:42 - Jim Nantz is clearly practicing his I'm-really-interested-in-spite-of-all-evidence face. And he'll need it -- his bread-and-butter is The Masters, and its viewership is, what, 95% dependent on Tiger? I'm betting he's been sending Elin lots of "give it another shot!" texts.

00:44 - Is there a weight limit on wearing #23? And how long until he gets his obligatory Charles Barkley comparison?

00:45 - Butler apparently thinks that if they get the lead on a 3, they win. They've turned into chuckers. Jimmy likes chuckers!

00:47 - How does MSU go almost 6 minutes without a bucket and still lead? Butler's running their Jon Starks**** offense!

00:50 - Nice work, Coke Zero, on picking 2 ACC teams NOT in the Final Four for your commercial. UNC never plays well 2 years in a row.

00:51 - "6-10 freshman from Ohio" -- I didn't need to look to guess it was the white guy. Along with Iowa, Idaho and the Dakotas, Ohio is in the top quintile for whiteness in the US.

00:58 - "Wide of the mark" -- nice inadvertent pun by Nantz. Tubby's pretty much wide of anything he does.

00:59- So, in a real tailgating party for WVU, how long does the Coke Zero guy survive in a suit before he gets his ass kicked? 2 minutes? 3?

01:01 - That, kids, is one sweet Iron Man 2 trailer. Yowza. Must implement my expectations-management program.

01:02 - JFC, THAT is the best inbounds play you can get off of a timeout? WTF? Grant Hill and Christian Laettner's spot atop the last-second shot hill is safe for another year.

01:04 - How many of the attractive females in the front row of the Intel commercial are temps? All of them?

* Wear the fox hat.
** #2 was when a female diver in the '84 Olympics had a wardrobe malfunction coming out of the pool.
*** Harrrrdassss!
**** 1 for 18, Starks!