Champions League Live Blogging: Bayern Munich-Lyon 1st Leg, 1st Half

0:00 - I've been at a stadium where they play with the soccer ball tarp at midfield, and it sucks live just as much on TV. I don't know why Europeans are obsessed with this thing.

0:01 - Since Bayern is like the Yankees, Knicks and Cowboys all rolled into one annoying, self-centered package, you can bet every soccer fan in Deutschland is watching the first Champions League semi in Munich in 9 years.

10:10 - I love it when instead of explaining why an obvious corner is instead a goal kick, the director decides to show 3 replays of 2 Bayern guys whining at each other.

12:50 - The match is showing signs of life -- Schweinsteiger misses a goal by a foot or so, though he should've done better.

16:15 - It's cool that Lyon has a 12-year-old keeper. I hope his mom signed the permission slip before the big road trip to Munich.

17:30 - Ribery apparently agrees with Lyon's assessment that he's the only Bayern threat, since he forced a shot instead of setting up a wide-open teammate.

18:45 - Does Bayern have no respect for the Lyon right back, or is switching fields just too 90s?

19:45 - It's a good thing Olic was the hero vs Man U, since he just made a complete hash of a good chance.

21:20 - Ribery has turned into a complete chucker. 4 defenders in front of him at the top of the penalty box? Why not try to blast it through?

23:15 - Good to see a miraculous recovery by the Lyon center back. He apparently healed up from the career-ending injury right after there was no card forthcoming.

28:00 - "It's all here -- fast-kickin', low-scoring, and ties? You better believe it." The match has taken a 5 minute detour into Mexico-Portugal territory.

34:00 - Lahm apparently doesn't have anyone willing to tell him that the beard he stole from the 13-year-old kid is hi-larious.

36:00 -- First, Ribery doesn't hit the open man, AGAIN. Then he stomps the defender's ankle RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REF. Had it happened anywhere else on the field, he might not've gotten called for anything, as he hid it fairly well. But on replay? It's clear he was going for the ankle. Adieu, Le Chucker.

41:00 - On the bright side, Bayern mailing in the previous 10 minutes might allow them to have to legs to survive Le Dipshit's red card.

43:00 - Good Lord, that was a rocket from wayyyy out, but a decent save by Butt. Insert, um, joke here.

45:30 - Müller has been impressive. Whether he's been pressured or not, on the ground or in the air, or even throwing the ball in, he manages to look overmatched. After this game Bayern should rethink their "Fan on the Field" program.

So, the moral of the first half? If you need to intentionally stomp someone, do it either a) out of sight of the ref or b) after scoring a few goals.