Ultimate-Related Lies I Told Myself This Weekend

In no particular order...

• "I can make this throw." Oooooh, try again, Pottsie.
• "If I layout, I can get this D." Nope, you can get a front-row seat for a score.
• "That was not a pop I heard from my ankle." Actually, it was. But until you get a snap and a crackle with it, you'll be ok.
• "I'm not going to blow this throw after a good coach." No, you're going to make a throw that both blows AND sucks.
  
• "Just because I'm playing like a retarded monkey, I'm not going to yell 'FUCK'." No, wait, I am.
• From the tent on Friday:
• "I'm going to be warm after I zip up the sleeping bag." Keep trying, slick.
• "I'm going to be warm after I put on my hat" Not quite.
• "I'm going to be warm after I put my jacket on top of my sleeping bag." Almost there...
• "I'm not going to bail on the party before 1 am." Hellllooooooo, tent.
• "I can cover this guy."  Well, you could -- until he scored.
• "I will listen to this whole song before mocking the band." In my defense, it was very mock-worthy.