Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Living in Fear

Living in the 'dorf spoils you. Apart from an occasionally close encounter with a dumbass driver when I'm on my bike (like, say, 20 min ago), I basically have nothing to fear*. Until today.

I made some tasty tom kha goong** on Sunday, and I bought some new fish sauce. Like a moron, I looked at the bottle and it, of course, said "best if kept in refrigerator". Ugh. So, I had to put it in***. Cut to tonight, I get home after soccer and want a cold drink. This is the first thing I see:

For a split second, I thought, "I wonder what's that in the green top?" Then I realized, and that's when the terror hit me. What if I get home and am a bit tipsy? Or wake up in the night and are too tired to recognize it? Now my fridge has the culinary equivalent of a mousetrap waiting to snap.

What can I say? I like to live dangerously.

* Except fear itself. Or so I'm told.
** Thai coconut soup, it's usually called tom kha gai, but since mine had shrimp, it's a goong.
*** I almost went for "that's what she said", but I don't really think it works here.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

We Miss You, Phil

FBers go HERE for videos. Dammit, I still miss Phil Hartman. Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, Bill McNeill, Frank SInatra, Troy McClure, Lionel Hutz, so many laughs. Here are some faves(and, of course, big thanks to people that actually own the rights):

I move for a ... bad court thingy

The Simpsons 421
(7:56) Hutz: "Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder."
Marge: "Is that bad?"
Hutz: "Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I kinda ran over his dog."
Marge: "Ya did?"
Hutz: "Actually, replace 'kinda' with 'repeatedly', and replace 'dog' with 'son'."

Frank has chunks of guys tougher than you in his stool

Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor Dammmmmmnnnn! Billy Dee Williams look out!

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you asked for in the first place."

Don't kid yourself, Jimmy -- if a cow got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.

A town with money is like a mule with a spinnin' wheel -- nobody knows how he got it and damned if he knows how to use it

Czech Beer Festival 2011 -- Da Beers!

FBers go HERE for photos. I would be remiss if I didn't include a bit of beer porn after a beer festival. In the photo captions, the "degrees" refer to the Balling scale* -- feel free to google it for an explanation. I'll wait.

Back? So, enjoy the photos. If you're wondering which beer was my favorite, it's hard to say. The Opat Pepper was tasty and unique, but it's hard to pass up a Strahov. And the Perla was cool -- bubbly like Champagne, yet creamy. In other words, just go and try for yourselves!

* Insert your own "balling" joke here

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Is It Just Me? Part 2

Or does "tweet me" on a web page simultaneously sound desperate and mildly dirty?

Prague 2011 -- Photos

FBers go HERE for photos.

I've been to Prague a few times, and I've seen most of the sights. But I love the city, so this time I just relaxed, biked a bit, hung out with my friends and went to the Czech Beer Fest (more on that later). Also, I survived the Rapture, so I've got that going for me.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

America's Next Top Terrorist!

OK, Al Qaeda may be good at a lot of things*, but building a buzz is NOT one of them. It's been a week since Osama Bin Laden's** "death"***, and they've already announced an interim leader,

Why interim? Al Qaeda by-laws require their ruling council**** to sit together in one place, and apparently they're in several different shitholes instead of the same one.

But this post isn't to criticize their choice -- he's an Egyptian terrorist who likes suicide bombings (by other people), poetry and the Yankees -- all important qualifications. This is to criticize their lack of imagination. We've seen hits like American Idol, the Eurovision Song Contest, hell, even America's Biggest Loser -- why not pick their next leader this way? Each week their ruling council could vote one of the asshats off, assuming he***** didn't survive an immunity challenge such as quoting the Koran while dodging bullets, twisting Mohammed's words to justify killing children, or juggling grenades (that may, or may not, have the pin in them).

Who wouldn't watch it?

Photo courtesy of CNN.com -- thanks!
* Killing people, saving water by not showering, grainy video statements -- they're a triple threat!
** Did you know that Osama Bin Laden means "Bearded Asshole" in Arabic?
*** The quote marks are an attempt to get some of those conspiracy theory nutjob hits!
**** The Pentavarate
***** Yes, i meant "he". Even wearing a burqa, a women isn't going to be telling these jackholes what to do

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Current Event Scam!

Sadly, the various Nigerian princes and ministers seem to have overcome their troubles, as I haven't received any spam from them in months. But today I received this email, and it breaks a lot of new ground -- it is keyed by current events and it's based in China instead of Nigeria (or Nigerians living elsewhere).  Enjoy (my comments in red)!

A plea for help!
I love that she a) gives the letter a title and b) is enthusiastic enough to use an exclamation point.

I am Ms. Mariah Raflat from Benghazi Libya presently in CHINA. I am 23 years and the only Daughter of Late Mr. Mohammed Raflat, one of the leaders of the Libya National Oil Corporation (NOC). My hope is to look for a good person or company that will assist me to claim a deposited FUND with a BANK here in CHINA, due to the local war going on in my country. My Father was killed in this war including all other members of my family by the Muammar Gaddafi's regime.

Putting the words "FUND", "BANK" and "CHINA" in all caps is great -- like bullet points for scams!

The total fund is USA$4.5Million. I will give you 30% after assisting me to finish this business. Please I need your assistance to finalize this transaction. Upon receiving a positive response from you, all details will be made available to you on how to proceed. I wait to see your urgent respond to this mail.
It wouldn't be a scam without at least one grammar error.  "Respond" instead of "response" is minor, but the letter just wouldn't feel right without it.
I will give you my number to call me as soon as I hear from you today.

Mariah Raflat.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Budapest - Photos

So, 4 (or 17, depending on your count) years later, I made my return to Budapest. The weather was great, and I spent most of the 3 days thinking, "was I here?" The answer was usually yes, but the city has changed tremendously. I also went back to the National Gallery for the first time since 1993, and it was TOTALLY different. I remembered a gray, depressing soviet vibe, but instead it was bright, clean and filled with lots of cool stuff. Examples below:

Monday, May 09, 2011

Krakow - Photos

My short trip to Krakow was a big change for me -- no museums, no tours, no ultimate, even. But it was Benny's bachelor party, so changes must be accommodated. Photos of the touristy bits are in the slideshow above, photos of the staggy bits are going to be withheld until I need cash from Benny.

FBers go HERE for photos

Sunday, May 08, 2011

You Stay Classy, LA

As I call it a night on my Mavs-Lakers viewing, I have to say, "Seriously?" I expected Artest to be a bit crazy, but for Bynum and Odom to go after guys? Is this their way of saying "GFY" to Phil in his last game, or are they playing mind games with him, hoping that he won't want his final game to be this dump his team took at midcourt of the AAC?

As usual, I'm going with, "GFY".

Saturday, May 07, 2011

What Killed Neanderthal Man?

Given that the 'dorf is just a few miles from Neandertal*, discovery place of Neanderthal Man (or Woman, who knows?), I feel a bit of kinship with the group. And just this week I discovered what drove the species to extinction. No, it wasn't competitions with homo sapiens**, disease or anything else -- it was pollen allergies. How do I know? I have the evidence on my balcony:

And while it may not have killed off the Neanderthals, it damn sure feels like it is going to get me.

* In German, you add an "h" in the middle of the last syllable to indicate that a species is named after a town. Or they changed the spelling. Who am I, Dr. Deutsch?
** Go us!

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Blog Sick Days - Over

Due to my HARDASS blog not giving any paid sick days, I had to take the last week off due to illness WITHOUT getting my regular blog income*. Rest assured that I'll be back to my normal level of blogaciousness as soon as I'm well.

* Actually, since my "regular blog income" is 0, I guess I did get it.